Love and Anger
by Beatlebug
Summary: When Remus returns from the library, he finds James and Peter in the Common room, scared. Sirius is tearing down the dormitory. Something bad must've happend and Remus is to find out what... RL/SB slash.
1. Chapter 1

None of the characters are mine, all ©J.K. Rowling of course.

I dreamed this tonight. Can you imagine what a gorgeous dream it was?

* * *

Somehow he always seemed to forget time when he was in the library. It was just such a peaceful place. The smell of old books, soft whispers of students. He loved it there.

It was one of the very rare places he loved almost as much as the smell and sound of Sirius Black. And sometimes it was the only way to help him forget the impossible love he would die for. Here he could get away of the desire for that silky hair, those grey eyes. The proud yet beautiful manners of movement.

But once again, tonight, he didn't realize what time it was until the lights on the grounds started burning. In five minutes the lights in the hallways would go out and he would be expected to be in the Griffyndor tower.

So now he found himself running down the hallways, books under his arms. The Fat Lady didn't seem very pleased with the latecomer, but he was just in time. When he sat one foot in the common room, the hallway turned pitch black.

The relief he felt the moment he stepped into the Common room, disappeared when he found Peter and James standing there with confused faces. They turned around when they heard the stumbling and James let out a noise of relief.

'What's going on?' Remus asked. It was clear something was wrong. Where was Sirius, did something happen to him? James waved his hand to the dormitory, shaking. 'It's Sirius. He's going crazy. Won't let me in.' It looked like he was about to cry. His best friend wouldn't let him near.

A loud crash came from the room and James made a weird jump of frustration. 'He's tearing down the entire bedroom! I don't know what to do! He won't talk to me! He won't talk to Peter!' He looked at Remus with big, questioning eyes.

'Could you.. Please?' It was clear James tried everything he could do to get up there. But now, he didn't know what to do. Remus glared at the stairs.

At the end of it, Sirius Black was going out of his mind. It was weird. All the girls loved him because of his ever handsome, relaxed appearance. That was true. Sirius was, however one big hell of a prankster, a very calm boy. He hardly ever got angry. Something had to be terribly wrong.

He hardly remembered walking upstairs, but now he was facing the door behind which Sirius was going crazy. The door made a cracking noise. Something just got thrown at it.

With a thumping heart, Remus carefully opened the door.

'I told you, I don't want to talk to you James, Get the FUCK out of here!' Sirius turned around with a look of rage on his face. Furious. When he saw Remus standing, his eyes widened and he froze like a statue. It gave Remus the time to look around. It was a big mess. Sirius' trunk was in the middle of the room, broken. It's contents spread over the floor. The curtains of his bed were ripped off and torn in pieces. When he turned his eyes over to Sirius again, he was still standing there, like he had seen a ghost.

Careful, Remus took a step closer. 'Sirius? What the hell is going on.'

Sirius got out of his trance and turned his back to Remus. 'Nothing. Just leave me alone.' There was a clear sound of sobbing in between of the words. 'No. You scared the shit out of James! And me. And you nearly destroyed the entire dormitory! I think we're entitled to know the truth!' Remus was surprised by the harsh tone of the words he just said.

But the message received, the boy that sank down on his bed. Shocking shoulders made clear he was crying. Remus sighed. He didn't mean to make Sirius cry. So he took a seat next to the boy en placed his hand on his shoulder. But Sirius shook it off. 'Please, don't touch me.'

'Right. Now you are going to tell me what happened. Since when is Sirius Black afraid of being touched? Did something bad happen?' But Sirius remained silent. 'This is your last chance. If you're not going to tell me, I'll jinx it out of you!' 'FINE!' Remus tumbled of the bed, Sirius yelling voice had startled him. From the ground he looked up in two grey eyes, their sight troubled by tears. 'Apparently, I'm not allowed to have my own frustrations anymore, so FINE! I'll tell you what the fuck has been bothering me. Why I am so completely fucked up!' He was still yelling.

Remus thought, for his own safety, it was best to stay on the ground. 'But..' Sirius continued, almost whispering this time. 'Only you will know. I know I can trust you. Please, promise me you will never tell any one. I don't care if you hate me, if you despise me, if you regret you ever touched me, but please, never, ever tell anyone.' He sounded so desperate. Sirius Black, mister Gorgeous, desperate. Remus nodded. 'I promise I won't tell.'


	2. Chapter 2

Sirius teared away the eye contact and stared at the floor. 'I.. tonight.' He was quiet for a while. 'I don't really know where to start.' There was a glance of a smile, but it returned to sadness as fast as you can blink. 'I just.. I had a date tonight with this Raven claw girl. She's really gorgeous you know. All the boys want her and I have her.' Was this about a girl? Serious, was Sirius upset about a girl?' Suddenly the situation didn't feel that much of a threat before and sat on the bed again. When he wanted to place his hand on Sirius knee, the last moved. 'Don't.' So Remus didn't. 'Tell me, what happened.'

He tried to catch the crying boys eyes, but he turned away his face. 'Murmelio.' He said quietly. 'Just in case.' Another sigh. 'The weather was lovely you know. So I took her to the rosebushes. Done that before so I know the nice places.' Remus nodded in agreement. The rosebushes were probably fed with his.. never mind. 'So, spells and stuff and we were kissing. And then she started to undress and I.. I...' Hot tears were dripping on his lap. 'I couldn't.'

Remus opened his mouth and shut it again. He was completely missing the point somewhere. 'Did you destroy our dormitory because you couldn't love a girl?'

Sirius shook his head. 'I can't tell you. It's just..' But Remus wrapped his arm around Sirius shoulders and even though the other one tried to shake it off, he didn't let go. 'Listen to me, Sirius Orion Black. Unless you killed the girl, there's nothing you can't tell me. So, tell me.'

Sirius sighed deeply. 'I know. I'll tell you.' He looked into Remus' eyes. 'But please, don't get mad.' 'I won't.' This time he didn't turn away his face but kept looking at Remus. His cheeks turned red. Was he ashamed of what he was going to tell?

'This girl, Vanessa. We were snogging a bit and so I took her to the rosebushes. She's a very lovely girl. Light brown hair en beautiful golden eyes. She has this lovely soft expression, clever girl. And so we were kissing and stuff and she wanted more. And I thought I did so to. So she took of her shirt and so did I. But..' And he fell quiet again. 'Come on, don't stop. Let it out.'

But actually, Remus was cursing James for sending him up here. The last thing on earth he enjoyed, was listening to the stories of Sirius and his snog fests. Just, who likes to hear their love talk about some one else, right? On the other hand, he knew it was also his best friend and he was supposed to listen. So he did. Sirius continued his story.

'We were kissing, touching a bit. And than all of a sudden, like a flash or something in my mind, I wasn't snogging Vanessa. Well, I was of course, but my mind created another pictured. And then I realized..' His voice got soft again. 'That all those girls were just a distracting. I only love one person. And all the time I just denied that feeling, because I thought I liked fooling around. So when she wanted to took of her bra, I took of the the dormitory. And I guess I was a little upset so.. ' He waved his hand at the big mess he made.

'Well. I guess that solves the problem.' Remus answered to the story. 'Just tell that girl you've been stupid fooling around and that you really want to be with her.' Sirius smiled sadly. 'That's the problem. I wish it was a girl.'

Remus felt how his cheeks flushed red immediately. His arm was suddenly heavy on Sirius shoulder and he took it off. 'See. You don't want to touch me anymore. I shouldn't have told you.' But that wasn't what Remus was thinking. He hated stories about the girls. But they were different then he was. They had boobs and stuff.

But know, Sirius was in love with another boy. And that boy had the same body-parts as he had. This would be even harder to bare.

'No. It's just.' Remus stuttered. 'Why didn't you tell him yet?' Sirius looked at the boys face. 'Are you kidding me? You didn't want to touch me the second you knew. Why would he except it more?' Remus' face was burning. He didn't know what to do. He waved his wand and the curtains wiggled a bit. 'Can you tell me who he is?'

'I don't think you want to know.' Sirius answered. 'I think I do.' Remus returned the call.

Sirius moved a bit and his face turned even redder. 'You. Now go ahead and hate me.'

'M-m-me?' Remus stuttered. 'You! Yes you! God. I've loved you for so long.' Sirius kicked the end of his bed. 'That's why girls where such a great distraction. They didn't look like you. But with Vanessa.. I never realized but when we kissed and I saw her blonde hair, the golden eyes. Her face turned into yours. God. I feel like I can never touch a girl again. I lied to myself. To them. And I am so sorry Remus, I didn't want to ruin our friendship. But I preferred to tell you myself than to have you jinx me for it.'

And then, all of a sudden, Remus felt tears running down his own cheeks. Sirius just revealed his love for the werewolf. Something he never dared. 'Now I made you cry. I'm so sorry. I'm only hurting everyone around me.' Sirius buried his face in his hands.

'I think you should leave.'


	3. Chapter 3

'I won't. I'm not leaving.' Remus took a deep breath. 'I love you.' Sirius frowned. 'Are you fucking with me?' Remus shook his head. 'No. I just. I never dared to tell you. Always with the girls. It was my burden to bare. But I loved you all that time.'

'You love me?' 'YES!' Remus yelled. 'I loved you for so long! And I never dared to tell you because you were always off with some stupid bird!' He felt his cheeks burn even more.

'You love me...' Sirius whispered again.

There they were, two boys, flushing cheeks. 'I am so sorry Remus. I thought I was hurting myself. If I had known you loved me.' He took a step closer. It was so uncomfortable.

The truth was out, they were in love with each other.

'So, what are we supposed to do know.' Remus stuttered. 'I think I can make up some things.' Sirius answered and he took another step. Only inches were left between them as Sirius stroked a burning cheek. 'I mean.. if you really love me. You wouldn't mind me doing this...' And he softly touched Remus lips with his. The other boy shivered.

Sirius let go with a frightened look. 'You don't like it?' Remus smiled. 'I do. It's just weird to feel it after only imagining it.' Sirius grinned. 'You fantasized about me?' Remus flushed once more, but Sirius wrapped his arms around the boys waist. The sensation was unbelievable. Both always dreamed of a touch like this and know it was there. Their robes couldn't hide the exploding sensation it caused in their bodies.

'Won't you kiss me?' Sirius asked. His grey eyes, almost begging, were so close. Remus could smell the soft scent hanging around the boy. The black hair, tickling his face. He carefully stroked the arms of Sirius. Was he allowed to stroke him? To hold him? 'Don't be so shy.' Sirius whispered. 'I mean.. you fantasized about this, right?' Remus stomped the chest of the dark haired boy and let out a laugh of relief. 'It's just a bit.. weird. New.' 'I know.' Sirius smiled. 'But if you don't want to, I understand.' Remus shook his head. 'No, I'd love to. I Just don't know what to do. Another gorgeous smile. 'You want me to guide you?'

Remus couldn't do else then feel a bit stupid. He finally had what he dreamed of and now he had no idea what to do. 'Hey.' Sirius lifted his head and looked in the golden eyes. 'Don't feel ashamed. I'll guide you.' With a little blink. It was like he could read minds. 'Lay down.' Hot air whispered against his hair.

'Shouldn't we clean up the dormitory first?' 'Hmm..' Sirius made a weird sound. Then he waved his wand and the curtains were reunited with the bed. 'That will do for now.'

* * *

If anyone wants to know what happens in the bed, please review! Not sure whether the story should end here or not...


	4. Chapter 4

'I think you forgot one tiny detail.. Peter and James are still waiting to hear what's wrong with you.' 'Shit.' Sirius cursed. He made some movements like he decided to do something and yet again don't.

'They are your friends. You can't let them down their, they need to sleep.' After a struggle with himself, Sirius walked over to the door. 'James, Peter, cost is clear. Please come up.'

And so they did. James looked like he expected a bomb to drop anytime. Peter looked more like he really needed a big sleep. He walked straight to his bed, shut the curtains and immediately let out a long snore.

'I'm sorry Prongs. I just had some issues with a girl and it wasn't really my day.' James looked at his friend in disbelieve. 'You're lying. I can see that.' Sirius cheeks flushed. They did that quite a lot the last 15 minutes. 'It's okay.' James padded his friend on the shoulder. 'Take your time. I'm glad you're not freaking out anymore. That was scary.' Then, James hugged Sirius. 'You're my best friend whatever happens. Just, don't scare the shit out of me like that again, okay? Just say you need Remus to relax, I can handle that.' And Sirius smiled in relief. 'Thanks, you're the best friend.' 'I surely am!' James looked slightly arrogant, then yawned. 'And a dead tired friend, so I'm off to bed. We'll clean this dreadful mess you made later.' And James as well quickly changed into his PJ's and went of to bed.

Remus and Sirius exchanged glances. Was Sirius mad at him? Because he ruined their moment by making him call James and Sirius? Their curtains were closed, but they could surely still here everything. Sirius smiled at the worried face the boy made. He flicked his wand once more. 'Murmelio.'

And again Remus got the nervous feeling he had a couple of minutes before. But Sirius took of his shoes and told him to do the same. When Remus was on his socks, Sirius took his hand and pulled him into his bed.

With another movement of his wand the curtains closed.

Sirius sat at the head end of the bed. Remus was at least a meter away from him and hardly dared to look at Sirius. 'You're starting to make me think you don't want this.' Remus quickly his head. 'No. I do. It's only.. I've never done this before. I'm a little nervous I guess.' He blushed. 'God, I wished I could stop blushing.' 'Don't. It looks cute.'' He moved a little closer to Remus.

'But I'm serious, if you don't want to, go off to bed. If you do want me, please trust me. I'll take good care of you.' Remus' inside got warm. How much he longed for this moment. Sirius' hand lifted Remus cheek. 'I've never been with another boy as well. And, to be honest, I've never been with anyone I love at all.' 'But you're not nervous.' Remus stuttered. 'Hell I am!' Sirius laughed. 'But I love you to much to let that control me.'

Remus looked in the grey eyes that had come a little closer. Eyes that looked at him with love. And then, very quickly, he pressed a kiss on the lips of the other boy. Sirius smiled. 'Does that mean the night is on?' Remus nodded.

Excitement


	5. Chapter 5

It was on. It was definitely on. Remus was so nervous, afraid to wake up from a dream. But this was real. He was in Sirius' bed. And Sirius wanted to show him how much he loved him.

Slowly Sirius moved a little closer and took his shirt off. Remus glanced at the perfect chest he threw eyes upon so many times before. It was so beautiful. No doubt warm en soft. 'It's not a fantasy any more.' Sirius whispered with a heated voice. He took Remus' hand and placed it on his heart. 'Feel it? It beats for you.' It was like his breath was taken away. The skin underneath his hand was so soft. The heart beating so fast. He was probably just as horny as Remus was..

'Lay down.' Remus obeyed. Sirius started to unbutton the blouse. Remus stared at the ceiling of the bed. Still he was so nervous. Sirius let out a sigh and pulled him up again. 'You are still nervous.' Remus nodded. 'Why?' 'I'm not used that some one loves me. Usually it's me undressing the girl and get off when it's done. Like you do.' 'Like I _did.' _Sirius corrected him. 'Now, I'm not going to abandon you once it's done. But if I'm going to fast for you, I'll slow down. Just let me take your shirt off.' Remus nodded and the fabric slid down his skin. 'How about just this.' Sirius spread his legs and pulled Remus in the V he created. Their skins were touching and it was lovely. Remus closed his eyes and leaned back. His head found rest on Sirius' shoulder.

'I wasn't going all the way with you right away, you know. I know I do that to girls, but this is different.' The voice whispered in his ear. Remus felt ashamed. When Sirius pulled him into his bed, he did fear that.' Sirius didn't miss out on the silence. 'You thought I would, didn't you?' Remus didn't answer. 'First lessons of our relationship, talk more.' He said seriously. Remus turned his head slightly. 'Relationship?' He asked. Sirius lifted his eyebrows. 'Well, I was kinda thinking you were my boyfriend now.' Remus smiled. 'I am.'

He turned around and looked Sirius in his eyes. 'I think I just have get a little used to being loved. It's not very common to were wolfs, you know.' Sirius' eyes glanced with pleasure. 'Unbelievable how humble you are. But I'm glad I'm the one to help you getting used to getting loved. So, why don't you start. You guide me?' Sirius blinked. Remus flushed again. Damn flushing, his blood was working overtime. And not only in his cheeks

But at the same time, something changed in his head. This was real. Sirius was really here and wanted to love him. He slowly lifted a hand and stroked Sirius chest. The last growled. Remus hastily withdrew his hand. Sirius looked at him. 'That sounds means, I love what you are doing.' And Remus placed his hand back. Sirius wrapped his arms around the boy's waist and looked deep into the amber eyes. And Remus felt what Sirius was expecting. He leaned forward and kissed Sirius on his lips. Twice. Three times. Then Sirius opened his mouth and licked the were wolf's lips. The other boy carefully reacted and parted his lips a little. The tongue found his way in.

Slowly, Sirius lay down on the bed and closed his eyes. His arms still around Remus' waist, he pulled him upon his own chest. Their skin touched. Their kissing was hot and passionate. He never experienced anything like this before.

Remus felt like his head exploded. In less then a second his head turned redder than it did the entire night. 'What? What's wrong?' Sirius asked in a worried voice.

'I.. I think I just..' But the dark spot in his jeans told the story. Sirius grinned. 'Nothing to be ashamed off.' He cupped the boys face and pressed a kiss on his lips. 'Why don't you go wash it off. Gets some nasty stains if you don't.' Remus got up and was about to open the curtains when Sirius grabbed his hand.

'Will you come sleep with me afterwords? Just sleeping?'

Remus nodded. He had a boyfriend.

Just a break, but this is definitely not finished yet!

This might be a big story. Sorry for those who don't like numerous chapters!


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